Getting dumped is traumatic. Here are 7 steps to get your ex back.
Step 1. Emergency Measures. Yes, it sounds a little dramatic, but it needs to be.
When you hear those dreaded words and realize that you’ve just been dumped, all bets are off. Being hit with that kind of news can send you into a downward spiral fast.
At this point, it is all about survival. Taking care of your basic needs, so you don’t end up giving in to your emotions and making some really bad choices. It only takes a second to lose it and say something that can never be taken back. Do this, and it’s over.
Even if you feel an overwhelming need to redeem yourself or to seek revenge, fight this with everything you’ve got.
Break off all contact and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible. Now is when you may need the help of a friend or two. Just leave and don’t say anything to your partner. Where you end up isn’t as important as leaving. Just get out.
Even if you end up sleeping on a friend’s couch, it’s better than the alternative.
Oh, and by the way, get rid of your cell phone for a while. Give it to a trusted friend or cancel it. An extreme measure, but these are desperate times.
Step 2. Acceptance. After getting dumped you quickly need to accept that it happened and it’s over (as horrible as that may be). Facing this new reality is soul-crushing, yet it’s vital to your plan to get your ex back in the future. Failure to accept current circumstances means that you are setting yourself up for some significant pain and suffering.
So, what happens if you can’t or won’t accept the breakup? Well, this is where most people go off the rails and do some damage. It’s at this point that you are going to do the most harm; phone calls, text messages – all pleading with your ex to reconsider. Sound familiar?
Step 3. Awareness. Once you have accepted your situation, you should take a hard look at where you are. Look at the way you are approaching the breakup. Are you mature and sensible, or are you resorting to childish tactics to get your ex back? Are you acting with integrity or are you throwing yourself at him/her, hoping for the best? Few of us can maintain the self-control required after getting dumped.
Try getting away from the situation if you are struggling. Go on vacation and change the scenery and get the opinion of a good friend. Sometimes all we need is outside input and distractions to see things more clearly.
Step 4. Take inventory of what you have. Of course, you don’t have your ex anymore, but is that it? Does nothing else matter? Think about everything else in your life; friends, family, your health, your job.
Don’t take these things lightly. Your friendships took years to foster, and the same goes for your career. These are things of value that you have worked hard for. Of course, you also put time and effort into the relationship, but it isn’t the only thing that matters.
Step 5. Personal Assesment. Okay, so you’ve looked at everything you have in your life, now it’s time to look at yourself, personally.
What have you really got going for you when it comes to your attractiveness factor? I know, I know, you don’t want to think about dating other people because you’re still in love with your ex. But even if you don’t want to date, knowing that you look good is going to do wonders for your confidence, and that’s something you can really use right now.
Anyone can improve their looks; it just comes down to how bad you want it. Lose weight, tone up, change your wardrobe, get contacts, and the list goes on. Experiment and get some input from friends.
As a side benefit, your ex is almost certain to notice the change and that’s never a bad thing, is it?
6. Moving On. So, moving on doesn’t necessarily mean giving up on your ex. It simply means that at some point, you are going to have to make your own way in life. If that includes getting your ex back, then all the better; however, don’t live your life around it.
If you resist getting on with your life because you feel there is a chance that you may reconcile, then that’s a mistake. If you need/want to move, make new friends or date, then do it. It isn’t going to make a difference when it comes to getting your ex back. Actually, it’s probably going to help because you’re sending a signal that you’re getting on with your life and that if your ex is having second thoughts, then they better meet you halfway because you are moving forward with them or without them. A lot of times, this is the catalyst that is required to bring both parties to the table, so to speak.
Step 7. First Contact (Again). If you’ve done everything right, you’ll eventually come to the point where you meet up with your ex after some time. If you’ve followed my advice, it’s been a while since there has been any contact with him/her at all. So, what’s the first step?
Before you meet, make sure you’re mostly over the emotions of the breakup. If you’re not, you’re going to make mistakes, and your ex is going to see right through you. A little mental prep is in order because this is one person who already knows the real you.
Don’t plan a formal date. The meeting should be low-key and brief. Meeting up for a coffee during the day is ideal. Keep the conversation on point and treat your ex like a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Avoid talking about the previous relationship because that could conjure up bad memories for both of you. Keep it light and friendly. Whatever you do, don’t tell your ex how much you love them or miss them. If you do, you’re ruining all the hard work you’ve put in these past weeks and months. There’s a time and place for everything.
Maintain your cool. Not that you have to be distant, but resist getting into any deep conversation. Keep it light, lively and friendly.
The first meeting is significant, and your attitude is going to determine whether you get another chance or not. It’s time to show your ex that you survived and that you are stronger for it. Confidence is critical, and you have to hold your cards close to your chest.
How do you break the ice to have a face-to-face meeting in the first place? That is the million dollar question. One of the most effective ways is to use your phone to send texts. But isn’t that what screwed things up in the first place? Probably, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to use that powerful device in your pocket. This video talks about it.
That’s about it. I apologize if you were expecting some magic technique that will have your ex eating out of your hand. It isn’t likely to happen and probably doesn’t exist. All you can do is your best and avoid making moves that are going to sink you. If I could sum it up in one sentence, I would have to say: Don’t give in to your emotions. Nothing good will ever come from it.
